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BMR Genie

BMR Genie

Joined
Jun 16, 2016
Messages
30,329
"A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. He ties the girl to the bed and he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
 

BMR Genie

BMR Genie

Joined
Jun 16, 2016
Messages
30,329
"A husband and wife have four boys. The odd part of it is that the older three have red hair, light skin, and are tall, while the youngest son has black hair, dark eyes, and is short. The father eventually takes ill and is lying on his deathbed when he turns to his wife and says, "Honey, before I die, be completely honest with me. Is our youngest son my child?" The wife replies, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that, the husband passes away. The wife then mutters, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
 

DiggityDaggityDo

DiggityDaggityDo

Joined
Oct 30, 2021
Messages
26,654
Husband on his death bed tells his wife of 70 years that once he dies he wants her to marry Tom. Wife says " I thought you hated Tom?" Husband replies "I do!"
A guy walks into a bar and sees his old friend there, already totally drunk. He asks:

"What's with you? You don't usually drink much."

"I'm drinking because my wife ran off with my best friend."

"But I thought I was your best friend!"

"Not anymore, buddy, it's that guy now..."
 

ladonque

ladonque

Joined
Apr 27, 2022
Messages
413
Old Mary, a granny, is getting ready for bed, and asks her husband, "what did you think of me when you first saw me naked on our wedding night?" Her husband says "I wanted to suck your paps dry and fook you until you were a worn out husk." Old Mary then asks, "well, what do you think when you see me naked now?" The husband says, "I think I did a damn good job!"
 
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