Tell me a joke

[ladonque]

so, you're an aspiring model, and you finally get your big gig.... you're going to be seen nationwide, in stores in every city across America..... but, do you really want this gig:

 

[RRsilver]

This could be a true story and not a joke.... probably Nick Saban at Alabama.

Hey why you picking on Nick and Bama? LOL

If you can't count the rings on his fingers, you can't play.

 

[RRsilver]

3 ladies that worked in an office together, all had new love interests in their lives,
oddly their new men, all shared the same first name Leroy.

To avoid confusion, they all were going to give the new men, in their lives a nickname.
They decided, to name them after popular soft drinks, for the nicknames.

The first said ill name mine Mt. Dew, cause he likes my mountains and he sho can do it.

The second said ill name mine 7up, cause he got about 7 and its always up.

The third said ill name mine Jack Daniels.
The other two ladies said, wait a minute, Jake Daniels aint no soft drink, it's a hard liquor!
and the third lady said, He sho is!!!!

 

[quantumleap]

Q: What do you call a drink that mixes lemonade and iced tea?
A: An Arnold Palmer.

Q: What do you call a drink that mixes lemonade and iced tea and vodka?
A: A John Daly.

 

[matician]

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a homo?
The fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Whats a homos favorite planet?
Uranus

What do you call a gay boxer?
Fruit Punch

How do you say homosexual in Jewish?
Heblew

What drink can you order at a gay bar?
LGB-Tea

Did you hear about the gay vegetarian?
He still eats meat.

Why don't gays shop at Sports Authority?
Because they prefer Dick's.

Did you hear about the two homosexual judges?
They tried each other.

What do you call a gay Jamaican guy?
Pokemon

What do you call a gay scientist?
Homo-geneous

What do you call a gay midget?
Lowblow

What do you call a gay couple?
ToGAYther

Me: I know a gay guy that sounds like an owl.
Friend: Who?

 

[BMR Genie]

"A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

 

[RRsilver]

To shorten this Sara and Charlie both spoke slowly and were very country.

Man and lady were at the courthouse getting their marriage license.
The clerk ask the man, what is your name and he said very slowly Charlie.
then ask the lady and she said Sara.

The clerk ask the Charlie, how tall are you and he said 5'8''
then ask the Sara she said 5'11''

The clerk ask the Charlie how much do you weigh, and he said 135lbs.
Then ask Sara and she said 235lbs.

The clerk said, DAMN! Sara you are big enough to play linebacker for the Green Bay Packers!

and Sara said, I don't play with no ones pecker but Charlie's.

 

[matician]

What do you call a rich Asian?
Cha-ching.

What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?
Konichuhuahua.

Why don’t you ever see Golf clubs that are ‘Made in China?’
Because you can’t trust Asian Drivers.

What is another name for an Asian assassin?
Chinese takeout

Did you hear about the guy who had sex with an Asian, a black and a white on the same night?
Perks of having a Panda.

What is the Asian equivalent of John Doe?
Hu Dat

What do you call a black asian?
Thai-rone

What do you call an Asian man who is single?
Lone Lee

Why can’t Asians play baseball?
Because they ate the bat

What do you call an Asian guy with a video camera?
Phil Ming

Did hear about the man who keeps cracking racist Asian capital city jokes?
It’s really Hanoi-ing

Do you know why Asian kids don’t believe in Santa?
Because they make all the toys

How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss

What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping

 

[BMR Genie]

What do you call a rich Asian?
Cha-ching.

What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?
Konichuhuahua.

Why don’t you ever see Golf clubs that are ‘Made in China?’
Because you can’t trust Asian Drivers.

What is another name for an Asian assassin?
Chinese takeout

Did you hear about the guy who had sex with an Asian, a black and a white on the same night?
Perks of having a Panda.

What is the Asian equivalent of John Doe?
Hu Dat

What do you call a black asian?
Thai-rone

What do you call an Asian man who is single?
Lone Lee

Why can’t Asians play baseball?
Because they ate the bat

What do you call an Asian guy with a video camera?
Phil Ming

Did hear about the man who keeps cracking racist Asian capital city jokes?
It’s really Hanoi-ing

Do you know why Asian kids don’t believe in Santa?
Because they make all the toys

How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss

What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping

The one that stands out for me lol

"Why can’t Asians play baseball?
Because they ate the bat"

 

[JDS]

@matician been bringing the funny material in this thread lately.

 

[BMR Genie]

@matician been bringing the funny material in this thread lately.

Haha yes, I agree. I hope to see him more often.

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

A guy starts a new job as an undertaker​

....washing and preparing the bodies before the funeral.
His second day on the job he comes and speaks to his supervisor, "There's a woman in there with a prawn stuck to her body".
So they both go into the mortuary and the guy points to her genitals. "Look, see? A prawn."
The supervisor says "that's not a prawn, that's her clitoris".
"Oh", says the guy, "well it tasted like a prawn".

 

[RRsilver]

Girl going down on car salesman in a new car. “you will notice the great headroom in this model.”

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

Girl going down on car salesman in a new car. “you will notice the great headroom in this model.”

I wonder if @samsncharge99 has ever used that sales tactic?

 

[Tanko]

I wonder if @samsncharge99 has ever used that sales tactic?

Sammy is smooth talker. I'm betting he nails a lot of chicks on "test drives", especially in those spacious SUVs.

 

[RRsilver]

a guy walks into a bar and orders eight shots of scotch, neat, and then knocks each one back in rapid succession.

“Whoa, slow down there, pal!” says the bartender.

“Sorry,” says the guy. “I just came from my first blowjob.”

“Aha!” the barkeep says knowingly. “Celebratin’ eh?”

''the next one is on the house.''

“If 8 shots want get the taste out of my mouth nothing will!”

 

[RRsilver]

Sammy is smooth talker. I'm betting he nails a lot of chicks on "test drives", especially in those spacious SUVs.

Always the salesman no matter the situation.

 

[RRsilver]

A 95 year old man (with dementia) goes to a nightclub, and sits down at the bar next to a beautiful woman, and he says to her “Do I come here often”?

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

A 95 year old man (with dementia) goes to a nightclub, and sits down at the bar next to a beautiful woman, and he says to her “Do I come here often”?

 

[samsncharge99]

I wonder if @samsncharge99 has ever used that sales tactic?

I go on like 5% of test drives

transition post sale from sale to trying to hook up is hard but do able.
Happens for sure for me and other salesman

be honest. Hard to meet people in reality. So this is great opportunity. Shows personality. 2-3 hours together. It happens for sure