Tell me a joke

[JDS]

Not sure if this is a joke or an insult haha

"Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera."

This is really good

 

[BMR Genie]

This is really good

I actually wanted to tag JJ when I posted it yesterday, but I chose to behave lol

 

[JDS]

I actually wanted to tag JJ when I posted it yesterday, but I chose to behave lol

The black cat is out of the bag now

 

[BMR Genie]

"Option 1: Let’s eat grandma.

Option 2: Let’s eat, grandma.

There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives."

 

[kostasmalina]

Why do Russian oligarchs only buy Macbooks?

Because they fear windows

 

[kostasmalina]

What game have Russian oligarchs stopped playing?

Yacht see

 

[kostasmalina]

Why did the Russian oligarch sign up for the draft?

Because going to the front line was safer than trying to open his hotel window

(for context, google how Maganov, Antov, Yankina and Bartenev died)

 

[BMR Genie]

Why did the Russian oligarch sign up for the draft?

Because going to the front line was safer than trying to open his hotel window

(for context, google how Maganov, Antov, Yankina and Bartenev died)

Lol a true to life joke.

RIP with these people.

 

[BMR Genie]

"Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

 

[Tanko]

"Option 1: Let’s eat grandma.

Option 2: Let’s eat, grandma.

There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives."

Genie, your grandma might not appreciate this one.

 

[BMR Genie]

Genie, your grandma might not appreciate this one.

haha I am not going to share this with her, Tank.

But can you imagine grandkids making grandma a joke about in an actual scenario? This is going to be hilarious to see Grandma's reaction if ever.

 

[BMR Genie]

"If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?"

 

[Tanko]

"If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?"

Oh my......
You're killing me Genie.

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

So apparently these days you can only make jokes about groups you're already a part of, so gay people can only make jokes about gay people and asians can only make jokes about asians, what a weird world we live in.

Anyways these two pedophiles walk into a bar-

 

[BMR Genie]

"This notice was found in the morning newspaper:

“Is anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I’m still looking for two more adults to join me and my wife. We leave early Saturday morning from New York and will fly to Boston, where we will have breakfast, and then have lunch on a friend’s yacht. We will then do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me. Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can’t go.”

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

A police officer spots a car parked in a popular make-out spot late one night, and decides to investigate.​

He sees a young man behind the wheel reading a newspaper and a young woman in the passenger seat knitting. This is a puzzling sight, so he decides to find out more about these individuals.

"How old are you?" he asks the guy.
"Twenty-one, officer," he replies
"What about you?" he asks the girl.
She looks at her watch: "In about ten minutes, I'll be eighteen."

 

[maltedhopsfrenzy]

Something that makes me laugh every time - from ‘The Three Stooges’, they’re in prison and awaiting to be executed. The ‘sheriff’, ‘Governor’, dictator, whatever - asks them how they would prefer to die:

Jailer - “You can either be burned at the stake, or suffer the guillotine…..”

Curly - “I’ll take burning at the stake!”

(Usually) Moe - “What?!?! Why?!?!”

Curly - “Because a hot steak is better than a cold chop!!!!!”

 

[Iw1nCashFlow]

What did the redneck girl from Mississippi say while losing her virginity ?¿?




Get off of me Dad, you’re crushing my Marlboro’s

 

[BMR Genie]

 

[BMR Genie]

"Her: I was once a christian

Him: It's ok, I dont care about religion as long as we love each other.

Her: No, It's my first name."