Tell me a joke

[DiggityDaggityDo]

What did the redneck girl from Mississippi say while losing her virginity ?¿?




Get off of me Dad, you’re crushing my Marlboro’s

How do you know if a country girl is a virgin?

Have her and her brothers race. If she is faster than them she's a virgin.

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

• I sent my husband to the store for potatoes, and he was hit by a car.
• It's horrible! And what are you going to do now?
• Don't know. Rice, probably.

 

[BMR Genie]

How do you know if a country girl is a virgin?

Have her and her brothers race. If she is faster than them she's a virgin.

It took me a few seconds to get it. haha.

 

[kostasmalina]

I bought a Russian advent calendar.

Every time you open a window, an oligarch falls out.

 

[kostasmalina]

"Her: I was once a christian

Him: It's ok, I dont care about religion as long as we love each other.

Her: No, It's my first name."

oh my


more, please, MORE of the same

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

oh my


more, please, MORE of the same

Watson walks in on Sherlock having sex with a younger looking girl.​

His conscience gets the better of him and he exclaims "Bloody hell, Sherlock! What d'you think you're doing banging that chick? She looks like she's in high school!

"Elementary, my dear Watson", Sherlock ejaculates.

 

[kostasmalina]

Why doesn't Santa have kids of his own?

He only comes once a year

 

[kostasmalina]

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?

Santa was smart enough to stop at three hos.

 

[stevek173]

I made a quick hit on drunk people next to a music venue that I saw a fork next by a music venue tonight:

"There's a fork over there if you need it. Pretty sure Satan left it".

 

[stevek173]

Also dropped this by cool people next to a strip joint the other morning:

"Do you think I should go to the strip joint and sing for the strippers in hopes of beer money?

Right before they answered me I go:

"Nah, that shit could get fucked up, my bad".

They all burst out laughing.

My improve game is improving.

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

What do a 9 volt battery and a butt hole have in common?​

You know you shouldn't put your tongue on it but eventually you will.

 

[Tanko]

What do a 9 volt battery and a butt hole have in common?​

You know you shouldn't put your tongue on it but eventually you will.

View attachment 23139

My tongue always tingles after I do that Diggity.

 

[KVB]

What do a 9 volt battery and a butt hole have in common?​

You know you shouldn't put your tongue on it but eventually you will.

My tongue always tingles after I do that Diggity.

Tanko, that might be something spicy she ate, or some cocaine mixed with crack, nomsayin'?

Have you ever tried the 9 volt battery, Tanko?

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

They both taste like pennies.

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

I was sitting on a packed train in Thailand next to a beautiful girl. Our bare legs were touching and I thought to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection." But she did.

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

How do you get a fat chick to fuk you?
Piece of cake.

 

[ladonque]

why did Santa Anna, the general of the Mexican Army, only have 5,000 soldiers at the Alamo?

He only had three station wagons.....

 

[ladonque]

and since it's the Christmas Season, why did God have to pass on his original plan to have Jesus born in Mexico?

Because he couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.....

 

[BMR Genie]

I was sitting on a packed train in Thailand next to a beautiful girl. Our bare legs were touching and I thought to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection." But she did.

 

[maltedhopsfrenzy]

A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here."

He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last."

And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here.

So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?"