Tell me a joke

[KVB]

Thre real reason women get yeast infections is because God wanted them to experience what is was like to live with an irritating c*nt every once in a while too....

Uh oh, sounds like Tanko slept on the couch last night.

Trouble in paradise Tanko? That Brenda is not only a handful, but a mouthful as well.

 

[kostasmalina]

Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter








He plans to buy it.

 

[alittleboy]

As one investor said in 2009: 'This is worse than divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth – and I still have my wife

 

[alittleboy]

If you have a harem of forty women, you never get to know any of them very well

 

[alittleboy]

I’ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman, but I’ve sure woke up with a few

 

[Tanko]

Housewife is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.
She wasn't aware that her 9 yo son was hiding in the closet at the time.
Meanwhile her husband came home unexpectedly so she tells the man to hide in the closet.

After the man enters,
Boy says to him, "Man its dark in here". The man replies, "Yes it is".
Boy says, "I have a baseball". Man says, "That's nice"
Boy says, "Want to buy it?". Man says, "Nope".
Boy says, "That's my dad outside". Man says, "How much".
Boy says, "$250". Man says,"Fine. I'll pay".

Two week later same thing happens again and they are in the closet.
Boy says to him again, "Man its dark in here". The man replies, "Yes it is".
Boy says, "I have a baseball glove. Want to buy it". Man says, "NO"!
Boy says, "I remember I have to tell my dad something". Man says "OK how much".
Boy says, "$750". Man shakes his head and pays up.

The next day the boy's dad says to him, "Lets play catch". The boy replies, "I can't. I sold my ball and glove".
Dad says "For how much". Boy says, "$1000".
The dad is shocked that his son would take advantage of his friends that way and says, "You're going to confession", and takes him to the church.

The Dad pushes the boy into the confessional and slams the door.
The boy says, "It sure is dark in here".
The priest replies, "Don't start that s#it again".

 

[kostasmalina]

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says "what about the children" the rabbi says "f*** the children" and the Priest says "do you think we'll have time"

 

[Tanko]

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says "what about the children" the rabbi says "f*** the children" and the Priest says "do you think we'll have time"

That one is great on so many levels.

 

[vidman.eric]

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says "what about the children" the rabbi says "f*** the children" and the Priest says "do you think we'll have time"

one of the funniest of all times! this one is another forum will be ban for life.

 

[kostasmalina]

Disclaimer: I do not condone Hamas...

That joke though... lol

 

[kostasmalina]

What's the difference between a Priest and a Rabbi?

a Priest gives tips and a Rabbi takes them!

 

[BMR Genie]

Housewife is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.
She wasn't aware that her 9 yo son was hiding in the closet at the time.
Meanwhile her husband came home unexpectedly so she tells the man to hide in the closet.

After the man enters,
Boy says to him, "Man its dark in here". The man replies, "Yes it is".
Boy says, "I have a baseball". Man says, "That's nice"
Boy says, "Want to buy it?". Man says, "Nope".
Boy says, "That's my dad outside". Man says, "How much".
Boy says, "$250". Man says,"Fine. I'll pay".

Two week later same thing happens again and they are in the closet.
Boy says to him again, "Man its dark in here". The man replies, "Yes it is".
Boy says, "I have a baseball glove. Want to buy it". Man says, "NO"!
Boy says, "I remember I have to tell my dad something". Man says "OK how much".
Boy says, "$750". Man shakes his head and pays up.

The next day the boy's dad says to him, "Lets play catch". The boy replies, "I can't. I sold my ball and glove".
Dad says "For how much". Boy says, "$1000".
The dad is shocked that his son would take advantage of his friends that way and says, "You're going to confession", and takes him to the church.

The Dad pushes the boy into the confessional and slams the door.
The boy says, "It sure is dark in here".
The priest replies, "Don't start that s#it again".

OMG!

 

[BMR Genie]

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says "what about the children" the rabbi says "f*** the children" and the Priest says "do you think we'll have time"

Damn! haha

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

‘You the bomb.’ ‘No, you the bomb.’

A compliment in the US, an argument in the Middle East.

 

[BMR Genie]

‘You the bomb.’ ‘No, you the bomb.’

A compliment in the US, an argument in the Middle East.

Indeed. haha I can see the difference.

 

[kostasmalina]

They finally figured out why the computerized self driving car crashed...

They didn't install the driver.

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

A woman is at the doctors​

The doctor says to the husband "well, your wife either has alzheimers or AIDS, but we've done a thorough examination and we can't fathom it out"

"so what do we do then?"

"well, on your way home in the car, drop her off about 4 miles from your house. If she makes it home, don't f*** her"

 

[BMR Genie]

A woman is at the doctors​

The doctor says to the husband "well, your wife either has alzheimers or AIDS, but we've done a thorough examination and we can't fathom it out"

"so what do we do then?"

"well, on your way home in the car, drop her off about 4 miles from your house. If she makes it home, don't f*** her"

What a brilliant test! Hahaha

 

[BMR Genie]

"Q: Daddy, why are all those cars beeping their horns?

A: Because there's a wedding going happening.

Q: Don't we been the horn a warning signal, Daddy?

A: Exactly, son. "

 

[BMR Genie]

"The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?” asks the accused. “The bad news is, your blood 
is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”


“What’s the good news?” “Your cholesterol is 130.”