Tell me a joke

[kostasmalina]

Before Elon Musk got into electric cars...

... he was plain old Lon Musk

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

One afternoon I was in bed with this hot chick. There was a noise at the front door.

Her: It's my husband! You gotta go, quick!

Me: Where's the back door?

Her: We don't have one.

Me: where do you want one?

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

One afternoon I was in bed with this hot chick. There was a noise at the front door.

Her: It's my husband! Use the back door, quick!

With hindsight, I should have run for it but you don’t get an offer like that every first date.

 

[ladonque]

The owner of a lumber yard is interviewing people for a job in his lumber yard. He has several applicants that day and none of them are particularly noteworthy until a blind man walks in. Obviously confused the owner says " um, sir how do you propose you are to work in my lumber yard if you can't see?" the main replies, " well sir I can smell the different types of lumber easily!"

The owner doesn't beleive this at all and has an employee bring in some lumber for the man to smell. The blind man takes a sniff of the lumber, flips it over and takes another sniff of the lumber and says " that's a 2x6x10 of eastern white pine". The owner thinkis to himself, " okay that was just a lucky guess" and has someone bring in a different type of lumber. The blind man sniffs it twice and replies " that's a 1x6X10 of western red cedar". The owner's jaw drops.

The owner then decides to mess with the blind man and brings in his secretary. The blind man takes a sniff and says says, " ugh, please turn this piece of wood over", they turn the secretary around and he takes another sniff and says, " whew!!". The blind man thinks for a minute and finally replies with, " Now you're just f'cking with me, that's a shithouse door off a tuna boat!"

 

[ladonque]

My wife had been giving me a hard time about taking her duck hunting, and deep down I knew she wouldn't want to get up that early on any given morning, but I finally gave in, reluctantly, for last saturday morning. Of course, when the alarm went off at 4 am, she started to him-haw around about how early it was, too tired, etc.,, etc., Having heard enough, I laid down the mandate: I'm gonna go load the dogs, and when I get back your either going to be ready to go, and if not, I'm either gonna fuk you in the ass, or your gonna suck my dik.......

I come back in from loading the dogs, and say, "what's it gonna be???" She says, "I guess I'm gonna suck your dik". I drop trow and she takes a LONG drag on my schwantz, and immediately she shouts "Ewwww, that tastes like shit!!!"

I say, "Oh yeah, one of the dogs didn't want to go huntin', either!"

 

[Tanko]

My wife had been giving me a hard time about taking her duck hunting, and deep down I knew she wouldn't want to get up that early on any given morning, but I finally gave in, reluctantly, for last saturday morning. Of course, when the alarm went off at 4 am, she started to him-haw around about how early it was, too tired, etc.,, etc., Having heard enough, I laid down the mandate: I'm gonna go load the dogs, and when I get back your either going to be ready to go, and if not, I'm either gonna fuk you in the ass, or your gonna suck my dik.......

I come back in from loading the dogs, and say, "what's it gonna be???" She says, "I guess I'm gonna suck your dik". I drop trow and she takes a LONG drag on my schwantz, and immediately she shouts "Ewwww, that tastes like shit!!!"

I say, "Oh yeah, one of the dogs didn't want to go huntin', either!"

LMAO.
Awesome.

 

[alittleboy]

The real advantage of being bisexual is that it doubles your chances for a date on a Saturday night.

 

[kidcudi92]

Joe Biden

 

[ladonque]

The real advantage of being bisexual is that it doubles your chances for a date on a Saturday night.

I'll have to take your word for it, as it sounds like you are definitely the voice of experience on the topic of takin' some cokk on a saturday night....

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

I'll have to take your word for it, as it sounds like you are definitely the voice of experience on the topic of takin' some cokk on a saturday night....

But Donker, it’s TUESDAY!

 

[KVB]

But Donker, it’s TUESDAY!

And the socks are on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[kostasmalina]

A guy asks his neighbor "Please let me borrow your electric drill". The neighbor asks: "What do you want it for?" The guy replies: "I want to get some sleep".

 

[kostasmalina]

Neighbors: the only people who listen to both sides of the argument.

 

[kostasmalina]

Why does EM need therapy?

He never stopped wanting his X

 

[kostasmalina]

Why does Elon Musk make his employees have a net electric charge?

He doesn't want them to be unionized.

 

[kostasmalina]

Elon Musk says he is going to pull Tesla out of California

Never trust a guy with 6 kids that says he is going to pull out

 

[stretchrunner47]

I had the words, "I Love You" tattooed on my penis that night I show my wife, she gets pissed and says you'll try anything to put words in my mouth....

 

[kostasmalina]

I had the words, "I Love You" tattooed on my penis that night I show my wife, she gets pissed and says you'll try anything to put words in my mouth....

More, we need more

 

[stretchrunner47]

More, we need mo Kosta

More, we need more

What's the difference between Bud Light and licking Pussy? ........Pussy only tastes like piss for a minute......

 

[Tanko]

Thre real reason women get yeast infections is because God wanted them to experience what is was like to live with an irritating c*nt every once in a while too....