Tell me a joke
- Thread starter DiggityDaggityDo
- Start date
Top Sportsbooks
75% Cash Bonus
Read Review
100% Free Play
Read Review
100% Free Play Bonus
Read Review
30% Cash Bonus
Read Review
100% Cash Bonus
Read Review
25% Cash Bonus
Read Review
A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, him in the upper bunk and her in the lower.
At 1:00 a.m., the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."
After a moment of silence, he farted.
At 1:00 a.m., the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."
After a moment of silence, he farted.
DiggityDaggityDo
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2021
- Messages
- 29,595
The fart is the best part
Definitely. It made the joke.
Two altar boys were out fishing and one catches a fish and says, "Look at this big son-of-a-bitch I caught."
The other altar boy says, "He you going to hell talking like that."
The first altar boy says, "No. That's the name of this fish."
The second altar boys says, "OK. Lets talk all these son of a bitches up to the priest to show him."
They tell the priest, "Look at all these son of a bitches we caught."
The priest says, "I'll have you tossed from the church for talking like that."
The altar boys tell him, "Wait. That's the name of the fish."
Priest says, "Oh. OK. Lets take these son of a bitches to the nuns and have them cook them up."
The priest takes the fish to the nuns and says, "Cook these son of a bitches up for us."
The nun says, "I'm not cooking anything for you with a mouth like that."
The priest tells her, "That's the name of the fish."
Nun says, "Oh. OK. I'll get them cooked up."
That night, they are eating dinner and the pope shows up.
The altar boys say, "I'm glad we caught all these son of a bitches."
The priest says, "Yes. These are fine looking son of a bitches"
The nun then says, "These son of a bitches cooked up really nice."
The pope looks around dumbfounded and then cracks a grin and says, "You mother f#kers are alright. Now pass some of those f#k'n fish."
The other altar boy says, "He you going to hell talking like that."
The first altar boy says, "No. That's the name of this fish."
The second altar boys says, "OK. Lets talk all these son of a bitches up to the priest to show him."
They tell the priest, "Look at all these son of a bitches we caught."
The priest says, "I'll have you tossed from the church for talking like that."
The altar boys tell him, "Wait. That's the name of the fish."
Priest says, "Oh. OK. Lets take these son of a bitches to the nuns and have them cook them up."
The priest takes the fish to the nuns and says, "Cook these son of a bitches up for us."
The nun says, "I'm not cooking anything for you with a mouth like that."
The priest tells her, "That's the name of the fish."
Nun says, "Oh. OK. I'll get them cooked up."
That night, they are eating dinner and the pope shows up.
The altar boys say, "I'm glad we caught all these son of a bitches."
The priest says, "Yes. These are fine looking son of a bitches"
The nun then says, "These son of a bitches cooked up really nice."
The pope looks around dumbfounded and then cracks a grin and says, "You mother f#kers are alright. Now pass some of those f#k'n fish."
Last edited:
An IRS agent is assigned to audit a hospital. The agent meets with the CEO of the hospital and asks a him few questions, trying to catch the CEO in tax violation.
IRS Agent asks,"You use a lot of bandages. What do you do with the leftover pieces on the rolls that are not used?"
CEO replies: "We send all the pieces back to the manufacturer and they send us a free box of bandages."
This upset the IRS agent since he did not trap the CEO as he intended.
IRS Agent asks,"You use a lot of plaster. What do you do with the leftover plaster not used?"
CEO replies: "We send it back to the manufacturer and they send us a free box."
The IRS agent is even more upset now and tries to get the CEO with one last question.
The IRS Agent asks,"What do you do with all the leftover foreskin from circumcisions."
The CEO replies: "We send them to the IRS and once a year they send us complete dick."
IRS Agent asks,"You use a lot of bandages. What do you do with the leftover pieces on the rolls that are not used?"
CEO replies: "We send all the pieces back to the manufacturer and they send us a free box of bandages."
This upset the IRS agent since he did not trap the CEO as he intended.
IRS Agent asks,"You use a lot of plaster. What do you do with the leftover plaster not used?"
CEO replies: "We send it back to the manufacturer and they send us a free box."
The IRS agent is even more upset now and tries to get the CEO with one last question.
The IRS Agent asks,"What do you do with all the leftover foreskin from circumcisions."
The CEO replies: "We send them to the IRS and once a year they send us complete dick."
Last edited:
Not sure if this one has been told but.....
A Nun gets into a cab and notices the driver continuously staring at her.
The Nun asks, "Why are you staring."
The Cab Driver says, "I've got a question to ask but it might be inappropriate."
The Nun replies, "That's ok. I am old enough to have heard just about everything. Go ahead and ask."
Cab Driver says, "I've always wanted to have a Nun perform oral sex on me."
The Nun pauses and says, "OK. Lets see what we can do about that. But, for this to happen you must not be married and you must be catholic."
The Cab Driver excitedly replies, "Yes to both".
Nun tells him to pull into the next alley.
The Cab Driver pulls over and the Nun does the deed.
Afterwards, the Cab Driver is driving down the road and starts crying.
The Nun asks "Whats wrong my son."
Cab Driver replies, "I've sinned. I lied. I am married and I'm Jewish."
The Nun says, "Don't worry. My name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a halloween party."
A Nun gets into a cab and notices the driver continuously staring at her.
The Nun asks, "Why are you staring."
The Cab Driver says, "I've got a question to ask but it might be inappropriate."
The Nun replies, "That's ok. I am old enough to have heard just about everything. Go ahead and ask."
Cab Driver says, "I've always wanted to have a Nun perform oral sex on me."
The Nun pauses and says, "OK. Lets see what we can do about that. But, for this to happen you must not be married and you must be catholic."
The Cab Driver excitedly replies, "Yes to both".
Nun tells him to pull into the next alley.
The Cab Driver pulls over and the Nun does the deed.
Afterwards, the Cab Driver is driving down the road and starts crying.
The Nun asks "Whats wrong my son."
Cab Driver replies, "I've sinned. I lied. I am married and I'm Jewish."
The Nun says, "Don't worry. My name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a halloween party."
A mother was in the kitchen while her 5 yo was playing with a train set in the living room.
The mother hears the boy say "Train stop. All you sons-a-bitches who want off get the hell off cause this is the last stop and all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train cause we going down the tracks."
The mother, horrified by her son's language runs into the living room and tells him, "We don't talk like that in this house. Go to your room for 2 hours and think about what you've said. After 2 hours you can come back out and play some more."
The boy goes to his room and comes back out 2 horus later and plays with his train again. The mother is listening closely and hears him say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train thank you for traveling with us today. For those of you boarding, please stow you luggage under your seat. Thank you."
The mother is in the kitchen smiling, feeling proud of herself havnig taught the boy to speak properly. Just as she was about to enter the living room she hears the boy say, "And for those of you pissed off about the 2 hour delay, pleaes see the bitch in the kitchen."
The mother hears the boy say "Train stop. All you sons-a-bitches who want off get the hell off cause this is the last stop and all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train cause we going down the tracks."
The mother, horrified by her son's language runs into the living room and tells him, "We don't talk like that in this house. Go to your room for 2 hours and think about what you've said. After 2 hours you can come back out and play some more."
The boy goes to his room and comes back out 2 horus later and plays with his train again. The mother is listening closely and hears him say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train thank you for traveling with us today. For those of you boarding, please stow you luggage under your seat. Thank you."
The mother is in the kitchen smiling, feeling proud of herself havnig taught the boy to speak properly. Just as she was about to enter the living room she hears the boy say, "And for those of you pissed off about the 2 hour delay, pleaes see the bitch in the kitchen."
A guy is at a job interview and the interviewer asks him, "How do you explain this 4 year gap in your resume."
The guy answers, "I went to Yale".
The interviewer is very impressed and says, you're hired.
The guy answers, "Thanks I really need the yob."
Weak joke. I know.
The guy answers, "I went to Yale".
The interviewer is very impressed and says, you're hired.
The guy answers, "Thanks I really need the yob."
Weak joke. I know.
Free Sports Picks by League
Share this page
Free Sports Picks by League