maltedhopsfrenzy
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- Joined
- Jan 24, 2023
- Messages
- 3,984
Giraffe walks into a bar and says:
“Hi-Balls on me”!!!!!
“Hi-Balls on me”!!!!!
Tell me a joke
- Thread starter DiggityDaggityDo
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The Stingy Man and the Christian Wife
I heard about this man that was very stingy with his money. Just before his death, he made his wife promise him that she would have him bury with the $50,000.00 he had saved. His wife reluctantly agreed. At the funeral, before they closed the casket, she sneaked in this small wooden box. Her friend said, “Shirley, you didn’t just bury the money, did you? The wife said, “Of course I did! I’m a Christian. I can’t lie.” She said, “You mean you just buried $50,000.00?” The wife said, ” Yes, I did! I wrote a cheque.
I heard about this man that was very stingy with his money. Just before his death, he made his wife promise him that she would have him bury with the $50,000.00 he had saved. His wife reluctantly agreed. At the funeral, before they closed the casket, she sneaked in this small wooden box. Her friend said, “Shirley, you didn’t just bury the money, did you? The wife said, “Of course I did! I’m a Christian. I can’t lie.” She said, “You mean you just buried $50,000.00?” The wife said, ” Yes, I did! I wrote a cheque.
DiggityDaggityDo
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- Joined
- Oct 30, 2021
- Messages
- 31,679
"A man comes back to the dealer with his new car and says....
M: My car doesn't work at night! Tech: Can I have the keys and try it? M: Yes!
The tech tries turning the lights on first, then starting the car. Then, he tries doing it in the opposite order. The car starts fine both ways and doesn't stall when the tech turns the lights on. He hands the keys back to the man.
T: If it doesn't work at night, next time, we'll take it back as a lemon, even if we can't reproduce the problem, and get you another car. M: Okay.
Sure enough, a few days later the man comes back.
M:The car still doesn't work at night? T: When you turn the key to try and start it, what sound does it make? M: The engine starts, but when I step on the gas it doesn't go forward, it just sits there and makes more noise! T: Can I sit in the passenger seat, and have you show me how you drive your car at night? M: Sure
They get in the car. The man turns the key, then pulls the gear lever to N
T: Why did you put it in "Neutral"? M: Neutral? Is that was N stands for? T: Yes M: I thought D was for Day and N was for Night!
The tech wrote in the repair log book "problem solved: found loose nut behind wheel"
M: My car doesn't work at night! Tech: Can I have the keys and try it? M: Yes!
The tech tries turning the lights on first, then starting the car. Then, he tries doing it in the opposite order. The car starts fine both ways and doesn't stall when the tech turns the lights on. He hands the keys back to the man.
T: If it doesn't work at night, next time, we'll take it back as a lemon, even if we can't reproduce the problem, and get you another car. M: Okay.
Sure enough, a few days later the man comes back.
M:The car still doesn't work at night? T: When you turn the key to try and start it, what sound does it make? M: The engine starts, but when I step on the gas it doesn't go forward, it just sits there and makes more noise! T: Can I sit in the passenger seat, and have you show me how you drive your car at night? M: Sure
They get in the car. The man turns the key, then pulls the gear lever to N
T: Why did you put it in "Neutral"? M: Neutral? Is that was N stands for? T: Yes M: I thought D was for Day and N was for Night!
The tech wrote in the repair log book "problem solved: found loose nut behind wheel"
phillyflyers
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- Joined
- Aug 8, 2024
- Messages
- 5,905
Why do black people stink?
So even the blind can hate them.
So even the blind can hate them.
Two aliens land on earth and walk out of their spaceship up to a gasoline pump at a gas station.
The captain says to the pump: "Take me to your leader". Nothing happens. He repeats his demand. Still nothing happens. The Ensign says, "Hey Captain, lets get out of here. This isn't a good idea."
Captain says, "Bullshit" and turns back to the gas pump and screams, "Take me to your leader." Nothing happens. The Ensign repeats, "Captain we should leave now. These guys are bad news."
Captain screams at the Ensign, "Shut up." He turns to the pump and says, "Last chance. Take me to your leader." Nothing happens. So the Captain takes out his gun and shoots the pump. The entire gas station explodes and blows the Captain and Ensign serveral yards away.
The Captain starts to get up off the ground and turns to the Ensign and says, "How did you know these guys were so badass?" The Ensign replies, "I've been all over this galaxy and I've learned one fundamental truth. If you meet a creature who can wrap it's dick around its waist and hang it in it's ear. You leave it alone."
The captain says to the pump: "Take me to your leader". Nothing happens. He repeats his demand. Still nothing happens. The Ensign says, "Hey Captain, lets get out of here. This isn't a good idea."
Captain says, "Bullshit" and turns back to the gas pump and screams, "Take me to your leader." Nothing happens. The Ensign repeats, "Captain we should leave now. These guys are bad news."
Captain screams at the Ensign, "Shut up." He turns to the pump and says, "Last chance. Take me to your leader." Nothing happens. So the Captain takes out his gun and shoots the pump. The entire gas station explodes and blows the Captain and Ensign serveral yards away.
The Captain starts to get up off the ground and turns to the Ensign and says, "How did you know these guys were so badass?" The Ensign replies, "I've been all over this galaxy and I've learned one fundamental truth. If you meet a creature who can wrap it's dick around its waist and hang it in it's ear. You leave it alone."
sunshine11
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- Joined
- Jan 3, 2022
- Messages
- 6,371
Lolol
sunshine11
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- Joined
- Jan 3, 2022
- Messages
- 6,371
What does Reese eat for breakfast?
Cereal With-her-spoon
Cereal With-her-spoon
"During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!"
With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
"An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"
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