Tell me a joke

[kostasmalina]

This one is for the IRS and DraftKings who apparently operates as a branch office of the IRS in 45 states:


The Internal Revenue sends their auditor to audit a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd try another question, in his obnoxious way..."Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi."Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the Internal Revenue."
"Internal Revenue!," questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Internal Revenue. And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."

 

[kostasmalina]

^^

more and more are going to flock offshore read this

DraftKings is planning a tax on consumers in states with the highest sports betting tax rates, as the company looks to boost profit. Starting January 1, it will implement a gaming surcharge on winning bets in states with multiple betting operators and where the tax rate is above 20%. The...

www.bookmakersreview.com

 

[kostasmalina]

Draft Kings and the IRS should just have a baby together. It's obvious they're a couple

 

[phillyflyers]

Irish guy, English guy, and a Scottish guy are walking in a beach. Irish guy says "wtf is that over there?" They look and see a strange bottle washed up, looks ancient.

Irish guy picks it up, opens it, and BOOM! out pops a genie. Genie says "I'll grant you all one wish each as a token of thanks for my freedom."

Genie looks at the Scottish guy and says "You first." Scottish thinks for a second says "Genie, I'm a fisherman. My father was a fisherman before me, and his father before him. My son will also be a fisherman. Make the sea filled with an uncountable number of fish."

Genie says "As you wish." Then BOOM! the sea is filled with so many fish they're literally jumping out of the water.

Genie looks at the English guy says "You're next." English guy thinks long and hard and finally says "Genie, I am a patriot of my country. There is nothing I love more than England. Make an impenetrable wall high and vast all around England so that no one may enter unless we wish it so."

BOOM! Suddenly there's a gigantic and impenetrable wall all around England.

Genie looks at the Irish guy and says "You're next." Irish thinks very long and hard and finally says "Genie, please tell me more about this wall around England."

Genie says "It's an impenetrable wall 50 miles tall, and a half a mile wide all around England."

Irish guys says "Genie, fill it with water."

 

[BMR Genie]

A good tip for partners.

 

[Tanko]

A good tip for partners.

View attachment 40062

Probably a little more than 50-50 odds on the die part.

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

Probably a little more than 50-50 odds on the die part.

Super dead

 

[BMR Genie]

 

[phillyflyers]

Guy walks into a bar. Orders a drink and as he's scanning the bar, he sees a smoking hot Chinese girl. He walks over and introduces himself and then asks for her number.

Chinese girl says "sex! sex! sex! free sex tonight!" Guy thinks holy shit I'm gonna get fukkin laid by this smoke show. Suddenly he feels a hand on his shoulder and he turns around.

It's the Chinese girl's friend. She leans in to him and says "she means 666-3629."

 

[BMR Genie]

"A young ventriloquist was touring Sweden and, one night, he was doing a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he started going through some of his standard dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stood on her chair and started shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way?
What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It's people like you who make others think that all blondes are dumb!
You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general; pathetically, all in the name of humour!"
The stunned ventriloquist started to apologize, but the blonde interrupted and screamed:
"You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit sitting on your lap."

 

[Tanko]

Since we're doing blonde jokes today...

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

 

[BMR Genie]

Since we're doing blonde jokes today...

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

OMG!!!!!

 

[edawg]

Teacher is tired of little Johnny always on his phone in class so to get his attention she asks him can he tell her the difference between a hooker, girlfriend, and wife? Little Johnny responds sure teach the first is prepaid the second is monthly and the last is unlimited.

 

[BMR Genie]

"One way to find out if you are old is to fall down in front of a lot of people. If they laugh, you're still young. If they panic and start running to you, you're old."

 

[BMR Genie]

"I went to the Doctors with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?" I said: "Homer's a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair."

 

[BMR Genie]

"Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren"; and “poof”, she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna and “poof”, she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks.
"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing.
He hands it back to her and says "
No sister, the paper says it was the '
Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."!!!!!!!!!!"

 

[keithrichard]

Ask chat gbt to write you a joke

What happened to this guy?

 

[BMR Genie]

What happened to this guy?

Maybe he retired from gambling.

 

[edawg]

There is a Black, Mexican, and Italian In a car who is driving?...... The Police.

 

[maltedhopsfrenzy]

There is a Black, Mexican, and Italian In a car who is driving?...... The Police.