Remember the X-mas party you had Saturday night (yeah, I didn't think so). You were plowed.
I saw you headed out the backdoor of the house about 2 AM with the 92 yo neighbor lady (Gladys). You are one sick SOB Diggity. The things I saw you do to that poor woman.... I don't ever want to see again. I was going to call the police but before she lost her teeth, she was screaming "Diggity, Diggity, Diggity...." so I let it go.
You should probably go to church this week.