phillyflyers
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2024
- Messages
- 2,298
Bro, high school was fukkin insane. Even before that, in grade school.
Here's another true fukkin story.
Be me. 13 years old. 7th grade. Catholic school.
Every year in my school 7th and 8th graders were required to do a Stations of the Cross school play for our parents and the lower school grades.
For those not familiar, Stations of the Cross is the reenactment of Jesus' path to Calvary on His way to being crucified.
Now our church was only across the street from our school. So all we had to do was walk across the street to get to church.
So teacher takes us out of class and walks us across to the church to set up rehearsals for the fukkin play.
As it happens, my part is being one of the Roman soldiers who nails Jesus to His cross. The other Roman soldier is being played by my buddy Dave.
The part of Jesus is being played by my buddy Bill.
We're 3 days into practicing for the play. Practice gets over. We all go home.
Next fukkin morning, we get to school, teacher walks us across the fukkin street to church to practice for the day.
So we get up in the classroom to walk over to church my buddy Dave has his backpack over his shoulder and walks up to me and says "I got a surprise for us today."
I look at him and say "yeah? What is it?" He fukkin has this huge grin on his face and he says "I fukkin raided my dad's liquor cabinet this morning. Got us a bottle of Creme De Menthe."
I actually laughed out loud and said FUKK YEAH!
So we get across the street to church and inside the church the players had this small private area to change clothes and put our shit away. Like small cubby hole only it was a room.
Before we start practice we change into our outfits and Dave breaks out the bottle of Creme De Menthe.
It smelled disgusting but what did we care it was an opportunity to get drunk which was happening for all of us for a couple years now on the weekends.
Break that fukkin bottle open. We start swigging it right out the fukkin bottle. Before we know it three quarters of the fukkin bottle is gone.
I start feeling sick as fukk in my stomach. Same is happening to Dave. Next you know, all we hear is our names being called out in front of the church to practice our parts.
Fukk I really don't feel like doing this shit today but out we fukkin go. Billy is laying down on the Cross in front of the altar and we're waiting for the fukkin signal to drive the hammer down. We're supposed to hit the wood above his hand so the audience hears the sound effect of being nailed to the cross.
We get the fukkin signal. I swing the hammer down and completely miss the cross and hit the fukkin floor. I'm dead fukkin drunk at this point and can't really see straight and the same for Dave.
Teacher fukkin screams at me what are you doing?! You have to hit the wood so everyone can hear it!
Ok teach whatever you say. Try again. Wait for signal. Signal comes and boom I hit the wood. Next up is Dave's signal.
As we're waiting for Dave's signal, Billy out of nowhere says "what's that smell on your breath? Have yous been drinkin?"
I bust out laughing, teacher wonders what the fukk is going on. Billy is now sitting himself because he realizes we're both drunk and have hammers in our hand. He starts fukkin panicking.
"You mother fukkers better not break my fukkin hands I fukkin kill ya's."
I say Billy shut the fukk up we got this. Relax and play your fukkin part.
As we're nearing the end of practice, Billy asks if we have any left of the bottle. Dave says yes and gives it to him in the back room cubby hole. He finished the bottle. We're all fukkin laughing.
Next thing I hear is my.name.being called by my teacher.
She was about 5'6" blonde and slim not a bad face and good looking
.So I go out, fukked up as fukk and go to meet her after practice is over.
She says what was that about? You almost broke Billy's hand with that hammer and you hit floor with it. Are you ok?
Now by this point, I'm in a fukkin daze. I can hardly see straight and I'm looking at my teacher inside of our church.
So I hear her words but at this point everything is a fukkin blur. So as I'm staring at her I notice her fukkin outfit.
My next thought was what a nice fukkin ass. She's fukkin staring at me waiting for my reply.
She fukkin got one alright. Next thing I fukkin know my fukkin woody is sticking straight out at her.
She sees it and her fukkin mouth drops. No fukkin words. Like a silent fukkin scream.
I'm standing there not even trying to hide it because I couldn't even if I wanted to anyway.
Her mouth starts moving and she starts stuttering. "I think you need to leave."
I totally fukkin agree. See you tomorrow teach. I get outside and Dave's waiting for me.
"What the fukk happened with her? Did you get caught?"
No everything's good. Let's get the fukk out of here.
Walked home like it was a normal fukkin day. Nobody said anything. Nobody got caught. Nobody got in trouble.
Finished practice the rest of the week and out on the play without a hitch.
That was me in 7th grade.
True fukkin shit.
