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maltedhopsfrenzy

maltedhopsfrenzy

Joined
Jan 24, 2023
Messages
4,914
👍🍺

A woman walks up to the 10 items or less checkstand at the grocery store. She begins unloading her cart - 1 small carton of milk, 1 little cube of butter, 1 apple, 1 candy bar, 1 small bag of chips, and a few more small items.
The checker says to her as he's scanning the items, “You must be single.”
She says yes with a blush and smiling, “Could you tell by all the small items I’m buying?”
The checker says, “No, it’s because you’re just so damn ugly…..”
 

BMR Genie

BMR Genie

Joined
Jun 16, 2016
Messages
38,555
"A woman comes home and tells her husband,
“Remember those headaches I’ve had for years? Well, they’re gone.”
“No more headaches?” the husband asks. “What happened?”
His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself, and repeat:
‘I do not have a headache.
I do not have a headache.
I do not have a headache.’
And it worked! The headaches are completely gone.”
“Well, that’s wonderful,” says the husband.
His wife then adds, “You know, you haven’t exactly been a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don’t you see the hypnotist and see if he can help with that?”
The husband agrees.
After his appointment, he comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife, and carries her into the bedroom. He lays her on the bed and says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
He goes into the bathroom, returns a few minutes later, and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
“Wow, that was amazing!” she says.
“Don’t move! I’ll be right back,” he says.
He goes back into the bathroom, returns, and round two is even better than the first. The wife, now breathless, sits up, her head spinning.
Once again, the husband says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
Curious, the wife quietly follows him to the bathroom. There, she sees him standing in front of the mirror, repeating:
“She’s not my wife.
She’s not my wife.
She’s not my wife.”
 

BMR Genie

BMR Genie

Joined
Jun 16, 2016
Messages
38,555
"A mother-in-law wanted to test her three sons-in-law to see how kind-hearted they were.

She devised a simple plan.
First, she went for a walk by the river with the eldest son-in-law.
Suddenly, she jumped into the water, pretending to drown.
The first son-in-law immediately jumped in and rescued her.
The next morning, he found a brand-new Toyota Corolla parked outside his house with a note:
"From your loving Mother-in-Law."
Next, she went for a walk by the river with the second son-in-law and repeated the same act.
Without hesitation, he also saved her.
The following morning, he too found a Toyota Corolla parked outside his house with a note:
"From your loving Mother-in-Law."
Finally, the mother-in-law went for a walk by the river with the third son-in-law.
When she jumped in, he stood on the bank,
chuckled, and walked away. The next morning, he found a luxurious BMW M5 parked outside his house with a note: “From your grateful Father-in-Law.”
 
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